Life Marches On
Boy does it ever. Every day we are one day further away from Jeff than the day before. The husband and I have both been unable to go long without thinking about him. I know he is with us in our hearts and minds. I think because I've written about it every day since he left us I'm starting to feel like I sound like a broken record. But it's my blog, and it's only been just over a week so I suppose I don't have to explain myself.
So, as Jeff drifts in and out of my thoughts, I am trying to get back to the normal day-to-day stuff. Laundry's getting done, grocery shopping is getting done, dinners are getting cooked -- I'm even able to concentrate for short periods of time at work. I've learned that I am officially unable to throw myself into my work the way some people say they do when they are stressed out. Maybe if I had a physical job, but when you sit in front of a computer all day and said computer has internet access, fucking forget it.
Well, I need to finish my September newsletter tomorrow so I can have it reviewed and publish it on Thursday. I didn't work on it at all last week, because I felt like I was experiencing hell on earth and I didn't think it would be a good time to try and produce something that is supposed to be lighthearted and fun. I could publish it late -- no one but me would probably really mind, but I actually made some pretty significant strides on it today. I love it when something comes together. The writing was flowing and I stayed almost a half hour late so I wouldn't have to stop in the middle of what I was doing. It was nice. I wish every moment of my work day was like that. Maybe someday it will be.
I also got a call Friday from the HR Director's assistant asking if I would be interested in being the back-up for the person in our office that's only 8 miles from my house. This is the office I considered relocating to but they went with the person who had been covering for the girl who just left. She said if I was interested she'd have the HR Director talk to my attorney to see if he would mind. I told her that'd be great and they talked and it's a go. Score! So now when this person is on vacation, or out sick, or otherwise out of the office, I'll be able to drive 8 miles one way instead of 18, in a lot less traffic, and work by myself occasionally. I like change, so this is great -- because I will get to see how that office runs, and have a chance to run it now and then, and be able to build relationships with more people, which could ultimately lead to the kinds of changes I am looking for in my work. It's a foot in the door, which is great. I actually got the best of both worlds: I didn't have to relocate into the satellite office and fall out of touch with the main office, but I will still get to be a part of it -- and if it starts to grow, I'll have a better chance of being on the short list of people they will have in mind to staff it. So that's nice.
What else . . . the husband and I went to Round Table to share a pizza and some parmesan garlic twists, and wash it down with Pepsi. It hit the spot. Then we did our grocery shopping, which is the best time to do it so we don't end up with $50 more in crap we don't need because we're hungry. The husband did snag a box of Twinkies, though. Like a child, he is.
I haven't had a chance to read everyone's blogs lately -- I've tried to check in on them but if the entries were real long I've only skimmed them. I've only been even writing in my blog because I resolved to write as much as possible this year and because I want to remember things. My blogs about Jeff's death have been the first time I've really worried about people I know finding my blog. Well, people I know but haven't invited to read it, anyway. I don't want to have to censor myself, but I don't want to invite problems, either. That's why when I talk about work I am very non-specific and only talk about my work as it relates to me. But knowing that my blog could come up in a search by someone I know is a little unsettling, as I don't express all of these thoughts to all people. I did a search on something the other day and my blog came up on some weblog media magazine -- with a handful of my posts linked. I didn't think about that sort of thing. Not that I think there's anything shocking about the contents of my blog, but there are some things people could take issue with -- particuarly in my most recent posts. Emotions are running high.
Any-hoo, I guess I'll wrap up for now and see what other people are writing about.
Ciao.
So, as Jeff drifts in and out of my thoughts, I am trying to get back to the normal day-to-day stuff. Laundry's getting done, grocery shopping is getting done, dinners are getting cooked -- I'm even able to concentrate for short periods of time at work. I've learned that I am officially unable to throw myself into my work the way some people say they do when they are stressed out. Maybe if I had a physical job, but when you sit in front of a computer all day and said computer has internet access, fucking forget it.
Well, I need to finish my September newsletter tomorrow so I can have it reviewed and publish it on Thursday. I didn't work on it at all last week, because I felt like I was experiencing hell on earth and I didn't think it would be a good time to try and produce something that is supposed to be lighthearted and fun. I could publish it late -- no one but me would probably really mind, but I actually made some pretty significant strides on it today. I love it when something comes together. The writing was flowing and I stayed almost a half hour late so I wouldn't have to stop in the middle of what I was doing. It was nice. I wish every moment of my work day was like that. Maybe someday it will be.
I also got a call Friday from the HR Director's assistant asking if I would be interested in being the back-up for the person in our office that's only 8 miles from my house. This is the office I considered relocating to but they went with the person who had been covering for the girl who just left. She said if I was interested she'd have the HR Director talk to my attorney to see if he would mind. I told her that'd be great and they talked and it's a go. Score! So now when this person is on vacation, or out sick, or otherwise out of the office, I'll be able to drive 8 miles one way instead of 18, in a lot less traffic, and work by myself occasionally. I like change, so this is great -- because I will get to see how that office runs, and have a chance to run it now and then, and be able to build relationships with more people, which could ultimately lead to the kinds of changes I am looking for in my work. It's a foot in the door, which is great. I actually got the best of both worlds: I didn't have to relocate into the satellite office and fall out of touch with the main office, but I will still get to be a part of it -- and if it starts to grow, I'll have a better chance of being on the short list of people they will have in mind to staff it. So that's nice.
What else . . . the husband and I went to Round Table to share a pizza and some parmesan garlic twists, and wash it down with Pepsi. It hit the spot. Then we did our grocery shopping, which is the best time to do it so we don't end up with $50 more in crap we don't need because we're hungry. The husband did snag a box of Twinkies, though. Like a child, he is.
I haven't had a chance to read everyone's blogs lately -- I've tried to check in on them but if the entries were real long I've only skimmed them. I've only been even writing in my blog because I resolved to write as much as possible this year and because I want to remember things. My blogs about Jeff's death have been the first time I've really worried about people I know finding my blog. Well, people I know but haven't invited to read it, anyway. I don't want to have to censor myself, but I don't want to invite problems, either. That's why when I talk about work I am very non-specific and only talk about my work as it relates to me. But knowing that my blog could come up in a search by someone I know is a little unsettling, as I don't express all of these thoughts to all people. I did a search on something the other day and my blog came up on some weblog media magazine -- with a handful of my posts linked. I didn't think about that sort of thing. Not that I think there's anything shocking about the contents of my blog, but there are some things people could take issue with -- particuarly in my most recent posts. Emotions are running high.
Any-hoo, I guess I'll wrap up for now and see what other people are writing about.
Ciao.
posted by PlatinumGirl at 9:19 PM
4 Comments:
It's ok if you want to talk about Jeff. I'm still reading no matter what you write.
Blogs are scary when you think about someone finding it.
I agree with peachy... talk about Jeff as much as you want, as much as you need to. The more you do the more you are able to grieve and deal with mourning in a healthy way.
Hi Platinum Girl -- I did an internet search on Jeff, and this website came up. I was saddened when I heard of his death -- I went to the same high school and was in the same class. I knew him well my freshman year, and then we were in different social groups and I lost touch. I always liked him -- and it doesn't seem right that this happened to him.
I wish I had known him and managed to keep in touch with my high school group. Maybe I could have known him better. I wish I did. I knew him (I know.. years and years ago) to be more sensitive than most men, kinder, and more real as a person. He was well liked and popular but it never went to his head. I don't know if he was still close with those from high school, besides Gilmore.
I'm sorry that he is gone, and I'm deeply sorry for your loss.
Alison
Peachy: Thanks :o)
Anon: I probably will . . . he's pretty heavy on our minds.
Ali: You can rest assured that Jeff remained the sensitive, kind, real person you knew him to be. And funny! So funny. There were about a half dozen guys who eulogized him at his funeral, and I think several were from high school and/or college -- from what I heard, I'd say he was still close with all of them. We were all blessed to have known him. I really believe that.
Thanks for letting me know you were here.
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