In a fog

I haven't done much of anything I would normally do since Monday. I haven't eaten breakfast, I haven't made my lunch, I haven't been able to go to sleep at a reasonable hour, I haven't been able to get up before 7 a.m., I haven't been reading the mail, I haven't been doing laundry, dishes, or much of anything but ruminating.

I've been going to the office every day, but I'm not really there.

Today, I showed up to work in flip-flops. This is not unusual. I usually wear them on the walk from the parking garage to the office. What is unusual is I forgot to bring shoes with me to change into once I was at the office. I wore flip-flops at work all day today, because I am so screwed up I walked out of the house without grabbing my shoes. They were right there, under the bench by the door.

I can only imagine how the families feel.

Today is the first day I haven't cried since I found out. That is, until I wrote this. Now I'm starting to cry. His obituary was published today.

What I wouldn't give to turn back the clock.