Goodbye

The funeral was yesterday. It was a nice service, but still awful. There were hundreds of people there. I think that's what happens when someone so full of life dies young and so tragically. Jeff knew so many people. Unfortunately, for me, the service was marred by the fact that we knew what was going on behind the scenes. My friend's family, even allowing for their unbearable grief, has treated the girlfriend he left behind in an unconscionable manner. I happen to think the fact that he spent the last four years of his life with her merits some consideration. They obviously disagree. The things they have done to her this past week, right up to and through the funeral, were shocking an inexcusable. I am embarrassed for Jeff and I am certain he would be livid if he knew.

It's really too bad.

On the bright side, if there is one, we got to hear some wonderful stories about Jeff from others who knew him in different times of his life. There was lots of laughter mixed in with the tears yesterday. We got to spend one last evening at his home, soaking up the surroundings in a house he loved so much. His first, and only, house. He bought it a year ago in July, and he was so proud. I wish we could afford to buy it so it wouldn't get sold off to some stranger!

Anyway, we are standing by Jeff's girlfriend, who is also our friend, and her parents, who are some of the coolest people in the world. Jeff loved them so much -- I think that's part of the reason his own parents have essentially disregarded his girlfriend and her family -- they couldn't accept the fact that he chose to spend his time with them. It's really too bad, because I think they'd have been more than willing to support and console them through the loss of their son. Instead, his girlfriend is packing up everything she owns and will probably quit her job and move back to where her parents live. Her whole life has been turned upside down.

But they obviously don't care.

I guess that's one point in favor of marriage; if anything happened to me or to my husband, no one would be letting themselves into this house and helping themselves to anything. And they sure as hell wouldn't be selling this house out from under either one of us! Nope, united we stand. I will be damned if someone outside this relationship will determine the course of either of our lives.

In other news, I met with three of my friends from my days at the same law firm Jeff was working for when he passed away. It was a coincidence that we were meeting the day after the funeral -- we'd already planned on having lunch and I decided not to cancel it, particularly since it can be so hard to get everyone together. We had lunch and chatted for almost 4 hours. We could have gone all day -- and we weren't even drinking!

When I came home, I went through my e-mail address book and e-mailed almost every last person in it. I put out a bunch of hiya's and how ya doin's -- followed up whatever my last contact with them was. I've made a few phone calls as well, hoping to catch up with family and friends rather than relying solely on e-mail or waiting for special occasions and holidays. I hope to hear back from everyone. I've resolved to be more diligent about keeping up relationships. I have many long-standing friendships, but our gatherings are entirely too few and far between.

I think what I am taking away from this experience, losing my friend Jeff, is that it is time to change that. I wish he could be here to be part of my resolution.

Love you, Tank!